Friendship Training
Relationship: Shared Learning and Common Sense
A Weekend for Committed Couples
June 10 to 12, 2011 at Sahale Learning Center
Presented by Colette Hoff, MEd. and John L. Hoff, ThD. |
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A good marriage is not defined by the absence
of problems but by the way partners handle
the problems they have . . .
This statement is a key to the way John and Colette Hoff work with couples. They have worked together for over 30 years and with over 400 marriages and families. They work with individual couples and families in small groups as well as in workshops.
The Hoffs organize the needs and requests of couples into four areas:
The need for a more friendly environment in the home.
Support for a more orderly and manageable life .
Guidance for working with psychological and emotional problems.
Coaching for routines that give form and meaning to relational life.
Friendship Training involves:
a. A behavioral focus.
b. The Identification of old hurts and harmful patterns.
c. Restoring a sense of order and rationality.
d. Teaching and practicing the skills for being relational and com-passionate.
e. Teaching couples how to demonstrate friendship to children through their relationship.
2. Our modern lives are stressed and crowded. According to surveys, the average couple is over-scheduled and their relationship is under-nurtured. This can change! As you know, human problems are currently diagnosed as “dis-orders.” This concept refers to the way an individual may become a problem to his or her self as well as to others. Whether you lack control of your emotions, your schedule, or your financial life, these must be seen as symptoms of dis-order. We need to look more deeply into the assumptions and the competing agreements that cause these problems and heighten anxiety. The Hoffs utilize information and exercises to encourage individuals and couples to claim responsibility, as adults, for the way they live.
3. A strong relationship requires partners to be understanding of each other’s human frailties. Partners usually have “blind spots” and can be uncooperative until they understand the cost. Remember, it is statistically probable that the partner you live with has one or more men-tal/emotional difficulties—stress, anger, anxiety, depres-sion, mood swings and the like—and the same is true of you. Cogni-tive and behavioral protocols for dealing wisely with most mental and emotional problems can address many contemporary challenges in marriage.
4. Coaching for relational success is where the Hoffs have created the most lasting change in marriages and families. From the study of couples that claim satisfaction and are evaluated as effectively mar-ried, they have identified five processes that have proved very
helpful:
Individuals agree to meditate (weekly) and reflect on what is working and not working in their relationship.
Couples have a weekly business meeting where they share com-plaints and Compliments, household priorities, and review calen-dars together.
Couples have a weekly intimacy time where they share verbally and physically with each other.
Couples have a weekly work together time when they engage household duties, trading off responsibility for leadership.
Testimonial:
Bruce and Irene Perler representing the Conscious Couples Network :we consider a weekend like this essential for clarifying our goals and renew-ing our relationship. The energy and witness of other couples raises the quality of interaction to one of learning instead of reacting!
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